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May 28, 2000

This Week In Muskoka - Early May Edition

Remember what I said about the fire ban in April? Fuggettaboutit... May kicked off with enough rain to prompt the building of an ark and it's still coming down. So let's recap: we've had fire... now it's flood... if the sun ever comes out black fly season will start all over again and that'll take care of pestilence... Better stock up on canned goods - famine can't be far behind.

And apparently I wasn't the only person who thought making it difficult for someone to open a clinic in an area designated 'medically underserviced' by the provincial government made no sense. The Bracebridge administration and finance committees have adopted a very becoming tail-between-the-legs stance and are going to 'revisit' the issue. This is progress.

On Sunday May 7th Bracebridge had the honour of hosting the only Canadian appearance of renowned Dutch healer JOMANDA - The Lady of the Light. Jomanda claims to have "Healing Hands". I tried the same schtick once - all I got for my efforts was slapped. Jomanda, on the other hand, gets $10 a head at the door. Maybe I should have invested in a white robe and a dove like she did...

The Muskoka Advance was so impressed with Leonard Sherwood's indoor botanical accomplishments that they ran his story twice in the same edition! I guess not that many people around here can cultivate $81,000 worth of dope in their own home. The Combined Forces Drug Squad was pretty impressed, too. They gave Len their 4H Green Thumb award and invited him to stay at their place for a while. Maybe a long while.

Much to everyone's surprise, Muskoka is now officially recognized as being part of Northern Ontario and as such qualifies for all sorts of provincial assistance money! If you're from Ohio you may think that Bracebridge is a long way 'north' but if you take a look at a map of the province it may become more apparent that the provincial funds in question were meant to assist people living in oil drums in Timmins, Cochrane and Kapuskasing, not lounging in boathouses on Lake Rosseau. So why is Muskoka now "North"? Because our M.P.P. is the Finance Minister, that's why!

And after much debate about the Corporate Big Box-ification of Muskoka... oops... The North, Home Depot has been given the go-ahead for a 136,000-square-foot retail development at the corner of Taylor Road and Hwy 11. Will Home Depot cotton to the local uneasiness about the development and build something environmentally sensitive that blends into the surroundings? As if... Look for that whole area to be clear-cut and paved over with one ugly orange monstrosity sticking out in the middle. In 5 years we'll have our own Barrie Power Center. That'll be about the time I move to Gogama.

If you drop by Santa's Village be sure to pass on their latest new flavour of popcorn - Butter & Warfarin. It recently came out that 14 people were treated to the new taste sensation on July 23, 1998 when a new employee added "one flavour cube" to the batch of popcorn. No one was injured but I smell a new slogan: Santa's Village - so much fun you'll bleed from the ears!

And finally - those of you who didn't appreciate the off-road feel of downtown Bracebridge last year will be pleased to know that it has now been repaved smoother than a baby's butt. You could land an F-18 on it if it weren't for the topography. Way to go, guys!

READ ON (Early Summer Edition)

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